Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
