hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
