thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
