I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
