His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
