I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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