This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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