I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
