i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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