Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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