My cat gives me a boner
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
