Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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