My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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