Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
