You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
