U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
