He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
