well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
