Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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