Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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