Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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