I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
