So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
