I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
