I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
