I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I need a burrito and a hug.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
