Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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