I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
