Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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