ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
