It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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