Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
