Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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