thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
