Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
