fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
