You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Less talking, more tequila
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
