I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
