just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Two words: blizzard sex
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
