The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
