how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
