Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Life is so much better after having sex.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
