ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
