I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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