just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
