Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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