Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
