I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
