He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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