Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
