She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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