oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
