I feel like I'm in dance class right now
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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