He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize