New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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