Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
