Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Panties = found
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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