i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
