She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
