I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
