I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
