even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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