I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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