so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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