His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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