More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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