Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
two words...techno handjob
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize