WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
