apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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