don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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