i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
