why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
