Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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