I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
3pm strippers are depressing
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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