She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
