I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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