Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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