He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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