i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
